Hi, I'm Dr. Helvetica Scenario. Do you know where babies come from? Bullshit, you only think you do.

Dr. Scenario hears the word "sex" and laughs for like five solid minutes. "Are people still doing that?"

when you get a new security clearance in the OCM, they send you a wendy's grill skills style video about what you're now allowed to know about youtu.be/MbVDQKcxg00

a common way to quickly test someone's clearance level is to ask how many presidents there are

*googles "indiana jones" to make sure i'm in a timeline where the nazis lost before answering*

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another common one is "who's on mount rushmore". if the answer is anything other than "what are you talking about", you're in a bad timeline

every OCM trivia night has at least one question that makes someone jump to my feet, say "oh my god, oh no, oh NO" and run out of the room

"What river is the Hoover Dam-"
Three people just rushed for the door.

@BestGirlGrace mandatory trivia night as a way of realigning everyone's universes

@BestGirlGrace it's like, a room with 50 or so doors, if you get a question that doesn't make any sense, try heading back to your own universe, we'll get everyone where they belong (or want to be) pretty soon

@junebug it's the only trivia night where you're encouraged to look stuff up

@junebug "Do I have to?"

"You know the rules. Gotta do trivia night after you come back from a time travel jaunt."

"But everyone's gonna laugh at me!"

@BestGirlGrace running into the problem of some people just being really, really, really bad at trivia, that tv show was called "strange stuff" right?? the netflix one? i'm sure of it.

@junebug @BestGirlGrace i liked Weird Shit season 1 well enough, but i feel like it really dropped the ball once the Soviet Republic of Australia agents got into the mix

@irisjaycomics @BestGirlGrace coming to the slow realization that apart from all the names being different, the two shows are IDENTICAL, and thus having a reasonable conversation about it but where you can only refer to characters by the tropes they fill

@junebug @BestGirlGrace this would make my common habit of faking pop culture knowledge while socializing in geek circles extra difficult

@junebug @BestGirlGrace "oh, the show about the one white guy who decides to do a bunch of awful shit and gets away with it until he doesn't? yeah, that one's a classic. wild how he could make so much...... mmmmmeth? no. advertising? shit. political intrigue? fuck. ....RIGHT, HALLUCINOGENIC SMOKEABLE BANANA SKINS, of course, how could i FORGET"

@BestGirlGrace @junebug holy shit this is the best

also how do you pay time travelers? they have to trust your currency is valid

@heatherhorns @junebug trust me, there's a whole thing with time sheets and figuring out how to pay you for your time

@BestGirlGrace @heatherhorns worst case scenario you can just find a local time pawn shop and show off like, your copy of the beatles "tribute to paul, who died" album from the one universe where he did and they'll pay bank for it

@heatherhorns @junebug there's at least one time traveller out there who wound up trying to do a Yesterday, but didn't get anywhere because they're in a universe where people just don't like the beatles that much

@BestGirlGrace @junebug "shit, i'm in that universe where people don't care all that much about the beatles anymore but are afraid of criticizing or ignoring them for fear of looking myopic"

@BestGirlGrace @junebug their boss doesnt buy this excuse for poor performance, because the higher ups know this is one of the few constants along all timelines

killing a person 

@BestGirlGrace @junebug for some reason, killing john lennon is like, in the top 5 reasons to go back in time. there's a policy that if you can remember why someone would need to assassinate lennon, it's your responsibility to go back and do the deed.

there are posters of him in the break room with the slogan,
"if you know, then you go"

killing a person 

@BestGirlGrace @junebug
"can you tell me why we would need to kill hitler?"

'yes"

"can you tell me who Wayne Knight is?"

'He's an actor'

"Wow. That's...ironic. Got what he deserved, I guess. Do you know what a hummingbird is?"

'yes.'

"What's Stinorcracy?"

'I dunno.'

*Time traveller checks the map, using the answers like the numbers in a gps coordinate*

@BestGirlGrace sometimes it's the host

they throw out a lowball question, everyone in the room whispers among themselves, no one is writing anything. the host runs out of the room and someone else has to take over

@BestGirlGrace Must be a heck of a thing when it's just Classic Simpsons Trivia Night.

@orrery @Austin_Dern
Someone gets really confused when nobody joins them in chanting "duorail! duorail! duorail!"

@BestGirlGrace i don't know if anyone's noticed this in the intervening year

but they jump to your feet? been doing more twinning?

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Princess Grace's Space Base Place

Don't let the name fool you. All the pornography here is legal, and much of it is hand-written. No fascists, no bigots.