I could do this all day. Big Smallman. Coolguy. Loud. Online Skunk. Ghost Salazar.

"Ghost Salazar" has the energy of a metal gear universe used car salesman.

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alternatively, a smooth-talking anthropomorphic lizard in the Office of Consensus Maintenance universe who sells forbidden used vehicles

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imagine a salazzle wearing a cheap suit and trying to sell you a beautiful '3Ɛ quantum studebaker

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come on, it's barely got any miles on it. only used by a little old particle to tunnel to church on glunchdays

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me before: oh, i don't really see myself having a pokesona
me now: oh no, what have i done

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i should know by now that i have many types, and one of them is "furry grifter"

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"Ayy, GS here. How's my favorite customer? Listen, your, uh, special order has come in, and I suggest you pick it up today. It is, uh, not happy about its accommodations, if you catch my drift."

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Usually, I refer to a character a few times in my head to figure out what pronouns feel right, and they all sound about right for Ghost. Powerful.

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I want to run the OCM tabletop even more now, because now I can throw this character at them and see how they decide to gender this used car saleslizard

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the more i imagine this lizard, the more i imagine bdg's buy my bed, but a lizard

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Ghost canonically does not know what sex is. ("We have more of an... egg situation.") This does not stop Ghost from slapping the roof of cars and insinuating that "the back seat is perfect for... adult activities."

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*slapping the roof of a car between each syllable* Hottest market on the money.

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I'm doing so many lines in the Ghost Salazar voice, I can tell I'm gonna be at work tomorrow and answer a question like a used car saleslizard

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"This car has never been seized by the United States federal government or that of 48 of her states."

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"This fine vehicle is something of a limited time offer. You see, it is impossible for this car to exist right here right now, and so it will vanish from existence, Back to the Future style, over the next 24 hours."

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"Look, long story short, this car prevented its parents from ever meeting. Are you gonna buy it or what?"

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"Look, this car is its own grandfather, and that would be fine, except that means it has three grandfathers. That's beautiful, and I'm very happy for it, but it also means its dad was never born. Clock's tickin', bud, come on."

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@BestGirlGrace but is Ghost powerful enough for Multiple Pronouns In The Same Sentence

@BestGirlGrace see, it has a fold-out table and a little calculator, perfect for stuff like taxes and paperwork

@BestGirlGrace can't believe I'm getting all these Graceiverse microstories for free

@witchfynder_finder "See? Anti-theft protection built in. If someone can steal this car, they won't even want it because'a this. Unless they're deaf, I guess."

@junebug the more I think about this lizard, the more buy my bed energy Ghost channels, and that's honesty very powerful.

@BestGirlGrace If pressed on the kind of adult activities tey think the back seat is perfect for, tey pause, tilt their head, and respond confidently, "exercising"

@Anarkat "There's plenty'a room for, like, sit-ups, push-downs, rolly-dos. All the exercises you you like to do."

@BestGirlGrace Slick was a merchant we encountered in a D&D campaign. You never purposely went to his shop. Instead sometimes you'd go through a door and, instead of finding yourself on the other side of that door, you would be in his shop. Slick's inventory was ever-changing, to the point that even HE didn't know what he had for sale until he brought it out to show us. His artifacts ranged from "A dagger the user of which always knows its precise location" to "A trinket with an activation phrase that sends it ten feet That Way (no saying the phrase again does not bring it back, you gotta go get it dummy)" to "A hat, but it's green."

@BestGirlGrace Anyway he had similar energy to Ghost Salazar, real snake-oil salesman kinda vibes, but I absolutely LOVED this man (who it turns out was actually an illithid and not a man at all) to the point that I definitely bought some things I probably shouldn't have, including a chalice that probably got used in blood magic rituals. Everyone else in the party was always very chagrined at this. He's still out there somewhere with his weird interdimensional shop and he's taking care of my adopted son, a minotaur named Asriel.

@BestGirlGrace THAT story is much longer and also pinned on my page if you're interested

@witchfynder_finder Hey, this is very good. I'm a sucker for mostly useless magic items AND the classic snake oil kinda guy. Who wouldn't make it a point to buy something just to ingratiate yourself a little more? You can't get this sort of thing anywhere else.

@BestGirlGrace He was such a good character and my DM has given me permission to include him in any D&D games I might run in the future

I just gotta get the tables he rolled on for the magic items...

@BestGirlGrace Pupils dilating like the Requiem for a Dream montage as I remember Goth Skunk.

@BestGirlGrace Permanent vendetta on Jay Naylor for contributing to the besmirching of skunks with scotch-swirling Ayn Rand-flavored garbage.

@Zero_Democracy First Pepe le Pew, and now this. Where are all the positive skunk role models?

@BestGirlGrace Max Landis has said that a Pepe le Pew movie is his passion project, which I think is a good encapsulation of that fucked vibe.

@Zero_Democracy God, imagine being able to pick anything, and you go for "french skunk with no understanding of consent".

@BestGirlGrace The sheer ass-showing of "I am nostalgic for a severely-aged stereotype of the American image of a French sex pest."

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Princess Grace's Space Base Place

Don't let the name fool you. All the pornography here is legal, and much of it is hand-written. No fascists, no bigots.