fuck, the OCM would absolutely have an occupational succubus health administration, huh
it's mostly not as fun as you think, most of it's general infernal studies, figuring out what kind of support their bodies need to exist on our material plane and the like. succubi are just some of the first the Office managed to study with any success.
artificial human soul substitute
imagine a juice box, but it screams when you put the straw in
you gotta drink it fast, because it's gonna try to escape as soon as you puncture the bag. imagine trying to drink from a punctured soda can or car tire
condensed, artificially-flavored human soul substitute. most folks just call 'em "soul gummies", and they're popular even among those who don't need to eat souls to live
you gotta watch your intake on this sort of thing if you already have a soul. there's cases of folks nearly having their soul unseated because they didn't realize they were having soul shakes for breakfast most days
@BestGirlGrace got your soul sucked out by the wraith loose in the building last night? don't worry, daily rations will slowly build you a new one. Note: the OCM is not responsible for major changes to your personality, form, or plane of existence due to suddenly obtaining an artifical soul.
@BestGirlGrace artificial souls currently sell for exactly 63% the price of a normal soul, so if you get an extra, say, one and a half installed, you can finally pay off that debt you made to a demon at 12 years old to help you with your homework while keeping the real deal!
@junebug The OCM doesn't officially endorse the practice of trading artificial souls for infernal favors, for fear of harming their value with inflation, but the Office has been known to use them to make up for budget shortfalls and for "shit, we really need a new ontological restriction facility literally yesterday. Someone call up Hell."
"I think the exchange rate is best in JXA-177, but call around."
@BestGirlGrace reports from contacts in most known hells paint the picture that they know they *could* get a better deal on souls, but these were made with like, demon researchers on staff. Other souls just aren't up to par, the corruption is exquisite
@junebug The OCM is decorated with posters urging you to get your soul signature scanned and backed up. It takes like ten minutes, and it helps a lot in cases like this. But, well, there's always one who gets told "sorry, bud, gotta deal with the loaner for a while".
@BestGirlGrace currently they're also undergoing attempts to see if they can Create Their Own HIvemind by studying the soul composition of the local one in sector I-18 and giving it to a small group of researchers who wanted to find out what it was like. Early results were promising, if... explicit, but that's pretty much just average for the OCM
@junebug "If this works, we'll be able to grow our own hive mind at home without having to use these annoying, expensive machines."
"Why do we want to do this again?"
"Well, it could make so many tasks safer, lead to new, more understanding communication, an end to-"
"You ever been in a mindlink orgy? Shit rules."
@BestGirlGrace "what if we encounter a hivemind in the wild and struggle to communicate? what if our standard methods of de-escalation struggle to work in such a foreign scenario?
what if we cAN'T FUCK THEM????"
Don't let the name fool you. All the pornography here is legal, and much of it is hand-written. No fascists, no bigots.