I keep wanting to say "mattress store" for myself, but I don't know why

Show thread

I haven't watched TV in Colorado for... seven years or so, but I will never forget that nobody beats a dealin' doug deal as long as I live

Show thread

weird how if you bought enough airtime on local tv before the death of monoculture, you could bury your slogan in someone's head for the rest of their life, whether they wanted it or not

Show thread

@Aleums fuck, i didn't think I'd get called out so quickly and immediately

@BestGirlGrace i was gonna say the same for me, a mattress or couch king

@BestGirlGrace In my old hometown, in the older days, they'd just buy the names of streets and have streets named after them, ensuring you had to keep saying their name just to figure out where you live

@BestGirlGrace
[ Looking over a suddenly empty park, beach, or sporting event ] "Hey! Where'd everybody go?"
"They've gone to Jason's Furniture, Route 35 in Neptune, where EVERYBODY goes to buy furniture!"

... the wild thing is local commercials are a universal language even though someone from 35 miles away has no idea what the reference is.

@Austin_Dern Oh, absolutely. I'm not good at remembering, like, which roads are which or what that means, but I will never forget "Exit Kipling, exit Ward, and exit the giant MedVed autoplex."

@BestGirlGrace Since marrying into the state of Michigan I have come to understand a fair number of car commercials of the 80s. Also that there is significance to the phrase (spoken with a Comedy Russian accent) "50 Watts per channel, babycakes".

@BestGirlGrace

my dying words are gonna be a Citizen Kane-esque scene where i utter "if you wantski good priceski come in and see Kaminski" because of one local Atlanta jeweler with a relentless ad campaign through the 90s.

@jackdaw_ruiz I gotta ask: is it pronounced with as thick an accent as I'm imagining

@BestGirlGrace

this commercial is from after i left the souff, but it's a good example of their whole deal and the jingle at the end is what they used since the early 90's.

so just imagine hearing that like four times an hour no matter what you were watching on TV.

... wife insurance... indeed!

youtube.com/watch?v=nNreO9q1EY

@Sapphicgiraffic @jackdaw_ruiz This is it, this is primordial essence of Local Commercial. The weird, problematic joke, the slogan they've been using for 20 years, it's perfect.

@BestGirlGrace @jackdaw_ruiz i don't remember this specific jingle cuz i lived just outside atl but i do remember the business in question and the personal negative associations i have with it

@BestGirlGrace @Sapphicgiraffic @jackdaw_ruiz you should check out House of Guitars in New York in the 80s, those ads are some classic super-trash.

@BestGirlGrace in houston during the ’80s, a guy named “Ol’ Bear” (maybe short for Barry?) hawked Superior Waterbeds, with the slogan, “You’ll Sleep Like a Baby, on a Superior Waterbed”

@BestGirlGrace ask anyone who lived in the central maryland area during the 2000s who Scott Donahue was and watch the groans roll in

@distressedegg i'd bring up the Shane Company guy, but he seems to have gone national these days.

@BestGirlGrace @artemis cc: @ItsMorgan

(I thought about tagging all the Morgan accounts but there's too damn many)

@Timmy Nobdy beats a Dealin' Doug hashtag, especially in the description of a youtube video for some reason!

@BestGirlGrace one of the kids who eats gushers and their head turns into a strawberry

@BestGirlGrace mattress store owner's relative with no acting experience

@distressedegg The entire commercial is you leaning against the cars for sale and flipping off the camera

@BestGirlGrace "You want this shit? Fuck you. You wanna look real cool, you wanna go real fast, you want people to fuck you, you want people to think you're ten, twenty, thirty years younger than you are, you want to impress all the boys at the office and the girls at the bar, you want to show your kids that maybe your generation does get something right every once in a while? Fuck you. Our planet is dying. Toyota Prius, 1.9% APR lease for your first year. Eat shit."

@BestGirlGrace local arcade who's commercials aired on cartoon network every day to the point where most kids who grew up in the area can recite every line that the kids in the commercial said while the camera zoomed in on their face in a "cool" and "hip" 90s way

@BestGirlGrace Probably the student book store, featuring long shots of people who dunno why they came in today, they just had to get something and now they're trying to say why the book store is great.

@BestGirlGrace i'm the parody radio jingle for a Stokes family automobile dealership specializing in Subaru

@Sapphicgiraffic @BestGirlGrace Stokes family automotive, known for such hits as "we wanna see ya in a Kia, see ya in a Kia, see ya in a Kia from STOKES in Goose Creek!" and (to the tune of La Bamba) "you should be driving a Honda, from Stokes Honda, from Stokes Honda, from Stokes Honda!"

@Sapphicgiraffic @BestGirlGrace i'm also quite fond of this furniture store commercial that Billy Corgan did one time. fun fact: he loves pro wrestling youtu.be/ESMCx0KNVkw

@Sapphicgiraffic @BestGirlGrace
He actually bought the NWA in like 2017. (the wrestling company, not the rap group.)

@Sapphicgiraffic I hate to admit it, but I think seeing a powerthirst-esque ad on real TV would either make me buy a car or never watch TV again

@BestGirlGrace i stopped watching broadcast television in the early 2000s and i have no regrets

@Sapphicgiraffic Yeah, same. I can't imagine, like, going back to watching something so cram-packed with ads and just generally Like That.

@BestGirlGrace i'm still traumatized by my ex-wife making me watch LOST with her parents. no coming back from that. fuck u jj abrams

@Sapphicgiraffic the work cafeteria always has CNBC or something on, and it's a weird reminder that I've lost a lot of my resistance to advertising because now I'll see a TV ad and think "huh, maybe I want that" for a few seconds.

@Sapphicgiraffic like, most days I see no ads at all, and it rules, but it's a weird reminder that that is not the norm.

@Sapphicgiraffic @BestGirlGrace i actually love this?? it's like they're aware of how cheesy these ads always are and decided to play it up

@BestGirlGrace appliance direct! If you didn't buy direct you paid too much!

@BestGirlGrace 3-minute-long tellanovella about how good this vacuum sucks dirt off the carpet

@BestGirlGrace You're stopped at a motel halfway to your destination. The TV in the lobby is showing a completely unintelligible local advertisement, where a busty woman in a too-tight suit with a colorful blouse talks about.... something? The set keeps switching to random local places, and the environmental noise keeps drowning her out, on top of her strange and mumbly accent. There is no logo, phone number, or clearly indicated product or service.

@BestGirlGrace more like:
-sound of cars passing-
"...h'lo"
-the nearby vending machine switches to its overly-noisy cooling cycle-

Sign in to participate in the conversation
Princess Grace's Space Base Place

Don't let the name fool you. All the pornography here is legal, and much of it is hand-written. No fascists, no bigots.