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quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

The DJ is so pleased to announce the next dancer, they let some legitimate enthusiasm slip into their voice. "Folks! You know her, you came to see her, Sssssserpentinaaaaa!" LFO's Summer Girls blares over the speakers, because aliens have the worst fucking taste in music. And the worst taste in fucking music.

She bounces onto the stage. Eight feet tall, covered in scales in every direction, and with two heaping handfuls of what you might as well call breasts bouncing in time with the music. The crowd cheers, hoots and hollers. They settle into their seats and polish off their substances of choice.

Sssssserpentina takes her place on the heated pole (cold blood, you see) and coils up its length. She does the usual twists, gyrations, and blown kisses, and she takes the usual credblorts in her S-string. About ten minutes of warmup into her performance, the lights dim, the music fades into the background just as Devin Lima finishes a verse about movies he likes.

For those in the audience, the world dims. They can see the brilliant psychic glow around the dancer's head, and they can hear her hiss coiling around their thoughts. They slump in their seats, let their processors go into power save, and decalcinate their frinklers. Their minds each wander off into a personalized erotic fantasy, fresh caught from the dim corners of their conciousness. Many of them would awake aware of some bold new kink or find release in some impossible fantasy. One or two big spenders would get a lap dance, too. And, if folks were very lucky, someone would get to get up on stage, show their body off, and feel the sort of bliss that only being half-lost in a psionically-induced fantasy while letting your body dance to a professional's tune can really bring.

But, of course, the song must eventually shift into Semisonic's Closing Time, the patrons must awake from their psychic slumber and return to their real lives, and one VIP will be invited into the back room for a taste of star venom right to the bloodstream. Many of them will be back again, or at least develop some uncomfortable associations with bad 90s pop-rap.

Closing Time is actually good, which is why they play it after the alien's set is over

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace oh no now I have a thing for Closing Time??????

Superb story!!! Snitties + hypnokink is always a recipe for success.

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace FUCK NOW CLOSING TIME IS STUCK IN MY HEAD

re: quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@Yana Good news: being around a psychic snake lady can help with that

probably because she'll be singing Never Gonna Give You Up while she does it

re: quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@Yana Also, thank you!

re: quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace Noooooooo! (yesssss)

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thinge 

@BestGirlGrace aw grace this is like christmas for me by cw alone

okay imma read it then comment too

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thinge 

@BestGirlGrace graaaaaaace I love the way you write!!! like the side snipes at music choices got me giggling every time, and you already know im gay for snake ladies so like, yeah you got me here

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thinge 

@fluxom_alt Now, just to set the record straight: Closing Time is a good song, which is why they play it after the alien's set is over.

And also thank you!! I figured a good snake lady would make you come running <3

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thinge 

@BestGirlGrace it is, but like every song I like I'm more willing to be goofy mocking about it

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is absolutely wonderful~! Good stuff Grace

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace now I want to compile a 95-05 megamix to go with this

human bartender: "oh no not the thong song"

alien dj: "what's the matter with that, I thought you liked thongs"

bartender: "the underwear, not the...just...never mind"

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@starless "I thought the humans liked butts. Why don't they seem to appreciate Baby Got Back?"

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace @starless Do humans not appreciate Baby Got Back? Well it sure is a strange time to figure out you're a different species...

The JoCo version of BGB is actually real good

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@Yana @starless Real talk, I like both the Sir Mix-A-lot and JoCo versions of Baby Got Back, but it's hard to come up with more songs that are both widely remembered and that people recognize as "bad"

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace @Yana tip of the tongue terrible that might also be awesome is exactly my bailiwick.

(also I never thought b.g.b. was considered bad, it was just outdated for a while, now it's classic)

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@starless @BestGirlGrace I live for the cycle of "this song is great!" to "This song is horrible why the hell does anyone like it?" to "Ah, it's a classic..."

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@Yana @starless I think for a while, it was "uncool" to sing about how much you like butts, but here, in the future, it's cool to like booty again.

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace @starless we're here, we're queer, we're full of butt-lovin peers!

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing, taking a joke further than necessary again 

@BestGirlGrace And now, from the home office in Manville, New Jersey, your top ten Out Of Touch Alien Strip Club Jamz!

10. Boyz II Men - End of the Road
09. Michael Bolton - How Am I Supposed to Live Without You
08. Backstreet Boys - Quit Playing Games (With My Heart)
07. Jimmy Ray - Are You Jimmy Ray?
06. Cypress Hill - (Rap) Superstar
05. Natalie Merchant - Carnival

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing, taking a joke further than necessary again 

@BestGirlGrace 04. P.M. Dawn - Set Adrift on Memory Bliss
03. Moby - South Side (album ver. NOT featuring Gwen Stefani)
02. Culture Beat - Mr. Vain
01. Martin Page - In the House of Stone and Light

(the problem with this gag is that some of these might actually work at a strip club, who even knows?)

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing, taking a joke further than necessary again 

@starless Dammit, where were you when I was writing this thing?

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing, taking a joke further than necessary again 

@BestGirlGrace I am always available for remembering the pop music you've tried to forget, amongst other things

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing, taking a joke further than necessary again 

@BestGirlGrace (also there's a number of these songs I really like, so it's not as if I'm just putting these up to laugh at. Some are total garbo, tho)

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing, taking a joke further than necessary again 

@starless I unironically like Closing Time, but now I gotta do damage control because the story implies it's bad.

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing, taking a joke further than necessary again 

@BestGirlGrace oh I absolutely understand that. it's a great song. that said, because they only had the one big hit, people forget that semisonic were one of the horniest bands of their day - they literally had a masturbation song called "get a grip," which I guarantee is the sort of thing the alien dj is immediately going to go for: "...but it is about the arousal of the sex, why should I not play it?"

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace As always, this was excellent and hits in all the right places. :heart_cyber:

re: quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@Balina When you're in the market for a psychic snake strip club, look no further than Princess Grace's Space Snake Smut Corner.

quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace

heck! good!!!

re: quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@BestGirlGrace hello yes this is me

re: quick psychic snake strip club hypnokink thing 

@transclosure happy to help, brain snake with terrible taste in music

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Princess Grace's Space Base Place

Don't let the name fool you. All the pornography here is legal, and much of it is hand-written. No fascists, no bigots.