the fantasy part of the final fantasy 14 is that all the clothes fit you

a friend posed the question "you can pick the powers from any video game character, you have them now. Then you get placed in a random fictional universe. what do you pick?", and I picked my xiv character both for the "not going to die if I wind up in Die Hard" and for the access to glamours and being girl

one of the target universes that got picked was some obscure British sitcom about living on a farm, so then I got to thinking about being at home in Seinfeld


JERRY: Datin' a catgirl, huh?
GEORGE: It's finally happened for me, Jerry. The stars aligned.
J: So how'd it happen?
G: I went to check out that big crystal they just dug up uptown, and she just popped out! She killed a few people, but then we really hit it off.
J: Does she, uh, *pantomimes licking his paw*
G: Not as much as you'd think. She does purr.

· · SubwayTooter · 2 · 38 · 71

tired: what does your oc do in their free time?
wired: how would George Costanza break up with your oc

I'm torn between
- allergic to miqo'te dander
- I'm too freaky for him
- refuses to do "another damn fetch quest" when asked to run errands

I think he would claim it was allergies no matter what

I get kicked out of a store for glamouring the clothes over mine, someone accidentally returns my tome to the library, my landlord doesn't allow carbuncles, it writes itself

ELAINE: Have you thought about getting a job?
ME: I have a bunch of jobs. Summoner, Scholar, Dark Knight, Red Mage...

GEORGE'S MOM: What happened, did you run out of humans who wanted to date you?
GEORGE: Mom! She can hear you!
GEORGE'S DAD (shouting directly into my ear): I'll say! She could pick up the Yankees game from here!

getting the business for taking up the whole couch with my princess dress

patiently explaining that I'm a Summoner, that I shape the aether and that they're not "magic tricks", they're-

"Can you make that little red fox guy again? I think he likes me. Watch this."

I have no problems opening beers with my giant dark knight sword, though

"Will you still do my nephew's birthday party?"
ME, still being myself with my flair for stage shows: yes

trying to explain what the Scions of the Seventh Dawn are, until I just give up and tell Jerry we're "like the superfriends"

I try to explain about the Garleans, but just settle for "Nazis"

of course, then I have to try to explain to Alphinaud who the Super Friends are, which is somehow even harder. It doesn't help that I keep having to bully him because look at him

Grace spending the entirety of The Contest winking at the camera

Everyone's putting their money down, Grace tosses a giant sack of gil underhand onto the table, confidently leaning on her sword.

"Are you still master of your domain?"
"Princess. And yes. Shame you're not." She snaps her fingers, blows an enchanted heart, and leaves.

this is a good post because it combines two of my favorite things: channeling George and talking about slice of life fursona stuff

I think George would really enjoy the skunk tail and get a little hooked on the musk, but I'd always be knocking stuff over, can't comfortably sit in a car, and I would not be able to keep myself from bullying him

I'd whap him with the tail every chance I got. It wouldn't even be a choice, it'd just happen.

JERRY: Why do you let her treat you like that? Getting whapped in the face with that thing all day can't feel good.
GEORGE: Yeah, she pins me against the wall, and sometimes she does the thing with the crystal that I don't even remember, but that tail-
JERRY: Yeah, for once, the tail is chasin' you.
GEORGE: You ever find the sweet spot on your bed? The most comfortable spot in the world? You just wanna lay there forever?
JERRY: Sure.
GEORGE: The whole tail is like that! I can't even leave the couch when she's there.
JERRY: Something stinks in this relationship, and it ain't you!

Of course, the real reason is that he doesn't like the fursona I assigned him

I can't believe I didn't already assign fursonas to the Seinfeld cast, I thought I had such a good read on past Grace

GEORGE: What would I, you know, be? Like, you're a skunk, what's my thing?
ME, not even looking up from the paper: Armadillo.
GEORGE: Armadillo? I can't believe this, I bare my soul to you and you give me armadillo?
ME, turning the page: Would you prefer something else?
GEORGE: *sputters, storms out*

Later, at Monk's:
GEORGE: Armadillo. Can you believe it, she called me an armadillo. Didn't even have to think about it.
ELAINE: I dunno, I think they're kinda cute. Plus, you got your armor for when you curl up into a little ball.
GEORGE: What little ba-
Grace shows up and scoots into the booth next to George. Her tail flops onto his face. He shudders and tries to ball up.
JERRY: So, what animal would you give me.
GRACE: A fursona is a personal thing. We can talk it over, but only you can make the choice for yourself.
GEORGE: Oh, so he gets the touchy feely speech? Why didn't I get that?
ELAINE: Have you seen you?

JERRY: I think I'd be a pig. Jerry Swinefeld.
ELAINE, nodding thoughtfully: Elaine Bunnis.

how did I do this whole thread without bringing up "I'm a lesbian, George"

whoops, this got long, it's how george costanza would break up with every character of mine that came to mind 

Virus Grace: "She's always poppin' out of these screens and the glowin' circuitry keeps me up at night!"

Half Adder: "I don't trust snakes. Never have. You know they smell with their tongues? Great hugs, though."

Bird Call: He really enjoys the free phone calls, but she does a tight half hour about him on her pirate radio station, and he can't get over the fact that she implied he's short.

Bug Report: He gets caught in the webs one time too many, ruining his suit before a big job interview.

Diamond Heist: Lawyered him so hard, it blew his hairpiece off at an inconvenient moment.

Dr. Scenario: Won't tell him about her work. He's never cared about a woman's job before, but now that he doesn't have it, he wants it.

Miss Trial: Doesn't take his side in an argument.

Solitaire: He tries to get her to holoproject some celebrity during sex. she catches on and starts complaining about how they're a piece of shit when the cameras aren't rolling.

Tennessee Ernie 'Bold: Loudly talked about unionizing his workplace, getting him fired. They do unionize, but want to keep George fired anyways.

The Lady: She keeps putting him into Stories and he's complaining about reruns. Alternatively, the kobolds are always underfoot and keep making a mess he has to clean up. He does miss sleeping on her chest, though.

This, of course, ignores the fact that basically none of them would date George in the first place, but that's not as fun to think about.

after I posted this, my instance had some nasty rubberbanding, which I assume is because this toot was too powerful

alternatively, he would keep taking Solitaire to restaurants, and he gets upset that she never eats anything. He hasn't internalized that she doesn't have a mouth.

@BestGirlGrace for me, i'm gonna say it'd have to be the whole frinkel clone business freaked him out

@Frinkeldoodle "Can't there just be one of you? You're at home, you're at the office, you're at the store, pick one!"

@BestGirlGrace @Frinkeldoodle i think he'd be 100% on board with all my various fursona shit (cold to the touch, 40 feet tall, etc) but couldn't get over how i pronounce the first syllable of pasta the same way i say the word "past"

@monorail @Frinkeldoodle
GEORGE: I'm gonna break up with Holly.
JERRY: What's wrong? She givin' you the cold shoulder?
G: Nah, the air conditioner is busted, so I love having her around, and I don't have to drive anywhere, it's just-
J: Not housebroken?
G: She says "pasta" wrong. She says it like "past-uh".
J: Oh, yeah, you can't keep living with that.

@BestGirlGrace can I just say, I hate every single one of these posts, not for the content but that they read EXACTLY DEAD ON like Seinfeld

@gattogateaux Yeah, Jerry's not a pig, either. They're normies, you gotta give them some time.

@gattogateaux I can see it. He'd be really excited about the pouch and the jumping and start wearing a fanny pack.

I think he's postfurry at heart, but it'll take a while to realize it

@BestGirlGrace i order for her, she doesn't eat, i look like the asshole. i don't order for her, she doesn't order, i look like the asshole.

JERRY: Have you tried taking her literally anywhere else? A movie, a show, a walk in the park? Sounds like a cheap date to me.

GEORGE: I dunno, if I don't get something to eat halfway through a date, I get a little logy. I'm not my usual energetic self.

@BestGirlGrace but if she doesn't eat anything, he wouldn't have to pay for it

@lemoncarrots George is torn between the fact that she's a cheap date and the fact that dinner occupies both his mouth and hands for a significant portion of the date

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