So much of it happens in abandoned warehouses because of the inevitable consent issues, and pulling off a proper bank robbery scene involves an awful lot of voyeurs

In addition to the usual "thing to put in holes" sex toys, super kink shops sell all sorts of macguffins to steal from each other, like remotes, self-destruct buttons, "ancient" gems and crystals, serums, and the like

theory: this is the universe the Venture Bros. takes place in

Rusty is a brat, but you knew that already.

Villains tend to work out timeshare arrangements because secret lair/sex dungeons are expensive, and there's only so many volcano islands to go around.

"Good help is so hard to find these days", I sigh loudly so I know my henches who get off on being bumbling can hear

There's a rise in villain/villain couples, but not a match in hero/hero ones, mostly because nobody's been able to figure out the logistics. Not to be confused with the league of evil/super team construct, which is more of a casual sex and occasional swinging arrangement.

Modemoiselle can achieve orgasm by monologuing about her giant mind control gun for half an hour. Bratty heroes will escape their trap before this happens.

this is also the dr. doofenshmirtz/perry the platypus dynamic, though I don't think they know this

More and more hero/villain couples tend to be monogamous or one hero/many villains these days- Super Friends and Legion of Doom type arrangements are less and less common.

"monogamous" can still include sidekicks and villainous right hands and henchfolk, of course.

I almost said "villainous number twos", which means something very different in this community

Aftercare involves a lot of sitting around the death ray, sharing food and nerding out over all the cool stuff the other one pulled off

Nursing each other's wounds, of course, and whatever it is you like to do to burn off extra hornt energy.

Depending on the arrangement and the level of kayfabe the sidekicks and henches like to keep, this might have the extra spicy "fraternizing with the enemy" element

Is it possible to be wistful for a ridiculously complicated sex lifestyle

anyways, accepting applications for hero, right hand girl, and henches

The best right hands bring their own unique style and blend it with the villain's theme, and it's not uncommon for this to be a multi-day process of shopping and styling, but a properly paired villain duo is unstoppable. Well, if they're tops.

@BestGirlGrace

every henchperson in every universe gets off on being bumbling

@spookcentral You get the rare hypercompetent hench, but those tend to become right-hand [wo]men pretty quickly

@BestGirlGrace

they fuck

@spookcentral when they can't achieve orgasm just by fighting, yes

@BestGirlGrace This whole thread is ridiculously wholesome and I love it

@witchfynder_finder Thank you! This is one of my favorites.

@BestGirlGrace

@BestGirlGrace yes!

@selontheweb I don't know what I'd do without the local wistfulness expert to guide my ponderings. <3

@BestGirlGrace ya

@BestGirlGrace If it would mean having the time, money, and energy to pull it all off consistently?
*sighs dreamily*

@Balina Absolutely. When I was writing this thread, I kept going back to "Really, it would be amazing to have a big house full of friends who I could pay for their time and enjoy each other's company", and then "villain clothes that fit" and then "creative energy and commitment" and then all the cool horny stuff.

@BestGirlGrace yeah this does sound like Venture Bros.

@VyrCossont I keep going back to how horny both Brock and The Monarch were for that giant death ray, tbh

@VyrCossont also, dr. mrs. the monarch is villain goals, except I wouldn't be anyone's second in command

@BestGirlGrace don't forget Doe and Cardholder:

Cardholder: "If that thing were a woman, I'd marry it."
Doe: "And I'd jeopardise our friendship by nailing your hot wife."

@VyrCossont I want to fuck the death ray too, to be honest.

@BestGirlGrace gynomorphic late '60s ultra death ray robot who likes to toy with her playmates with _extremely_ close misses? or as is? there is no wrong answer

a throbbing beam of solid coherent energy passes a few millimeters from your naked skin. her collimation is so tight that a beam that could split an island can also cut your hair… or so she says…

"oops", she giggles as you feel the thermal bloom, "they haven't made those lenses for fifty years." that's gonna leave a mark.

@BestGirlGrace evil poops?

@BestGirlGrace You want to toss off moments like that so casually your subs never catch on, and the fun part is, the best subs absolutely never will.

@Austin_Dern See, when I berate them for being incompetent, they know that's part of the kink. When they overhear something like this, they never know what to think.

@BestGirlGrace That's just got to be such layers of thrill for the ones who're in it for the almost-but-not-quite-overcoming-the-conditioning scene.

@Austin_Dern A good villain knows that there's a lot of people depending on her, and that she has to operate on a lot of levels. You should see the spreadsheet I maintain to make sure everyone gets the right kind of torture.

@BestGirlGrace this is the most factual statement on mastodon dot com

@xmakina It all makes so much sense in retrospect!

@BestGirlGrace The whole hero/villain industry inevitably fell apart after the people who started it gradually died out or got into less dangerous long-term relationships.
Yeah, that checks out.

@Balina Yeah, there aren't as many as there used to be. No more big hero or villain teams, and most folks have to do a gritty reboot or specialize into a kink to get any action. Things are starting to turn around with the whole resurgence in hero movies, but hope you like banter.

@BestGirlGrace bumblegirl trying way too hard to impress villains with mass tf agendas and failing miserably because she gets herself caught by the henches

@minty_da Getting dragged into Modemoiselle's throne room, where she gets about two sentences into her speech before she realizes you're not her nemesis

"Well, I suppose I could ask about a threesome~ Or would you make it a beesome?"

@BestGirlGrace i read this toot first, out of context of the rest of the thread, and i was psyched to shop there for a minute

@red Oh, absolutely. I'm gonna get me one of those big ol' green crystals or some kind of cool serum.

@BestGirlGrace
them: do you have condoms
me: one sec ***pulls out a large bomb-looking device with a rapid countdown timer***

@red "Or did you want something in the "net gun" family? I think we have one in the back, but you'll have to show ID."

@BestGirlGrace gdi we literally have a giant abandoned factory like 20 min walk from here, great supervillain lair energy and we know it pretty well, seriously where do we sign up for this is there like a mailing list or

@alexis oh, hell yeah. there's an empty Sears near here that's just begging for a gay hideout or laser tag arena