I was going to make a joke about "No interest until 2019!" like that's still an impossibly futuristic year

I remember being a kid and watching furniture ads saying, like, "No interest until 2006!" and imagining what the impossible future of two thousand and six would bring

@BestGirlGrace furniture stores have the weirdest business model where they constantly pretend to undercut themselves and I don't think any other industry does it

@BestGirlGrace @RainierBeringer Anything after 2000 still sounds futuristic to me. Whenever I go back to watch the animated Transformers movie, I rarely catch that the nearly-20-years-into-the-future date of 2005 is thrown out there, and that's ancient history now to most people.

It should be memorable to me, as the year I got my first smart phone, and was mobile web browsing, emailing, and IMing.

@BestGirlGrace While we're on the topic of futuristic years, I think my absolute favorite thing to see age in old scifi films is when they say stuff like "In the distant future of 2008!!!" and then a flying car shoots by

@fluxom_alt @BestGirlGrace the entirety of the metal gear solid timeline is now alternate history instead of the future, and that's kind of depressing even though the series is A LITANY OF HORRIBLE ROBOT WAR CRIMES

@distressedegg @BestGirlGrace Honestly one of my current dreams is to make something that starts with IN THE DISTANT FUTURE OF 2001! and then proceeds to be some sort of synthwave scifi kamen rider story

@distressedegg @fluxom_alt Yeah, but on the other hand, Snake has an MP3 player in 1975, so it's a tradeoff

for a world full of endless mercenary war and inscrutable endless world-spanning conspiracies

@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg Choose one:

The world is not currently being controlled by a series of AIs hiding inside of Arsenal Gear that perpetuate an eternal war for economic profit


Vaping was invented in the 70s and you can use a cool holographic vape cigar to smoke weed

@fluxom_alt @distressedegg I'm on the fence, and I could be tipped one way or the other by knowing whether I'd end up one of the hornier superpowered mercs

@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg "She just kept on vaping. Now why do you suppose that is?"

"Hunngghhhhngg, something in her past?"

"You got it. Sort of. She's just really horny for vaping, that's why they called her Vaping Octopus."

@fluxom_alt @distressedegg as soon as they assign you an animal code name, that's your government issued fursona. Otacon gets you a ref sheet and everything

Anyways, I think Vaping Skunktopus would be one of those memorable brainfucky boss fights where I try to hypnotize you through the controller or something

@distressedegg @fluxom_alt modern consoles can actually do that

turn the TV off, then back on a few seconds later like "Miss me, Snake~?

@BestGirlGrace @fluxom_alt oh damn! they had to fake it in the games! switching controllers on the PS3 was a little more difficult to figure out than on the PS1, though

@distressedegg @fluxom_alt Today's gamers are used to fake game over screens and the big green HIDEO in the corner. You gotta really fuck 'em up. Call their mom on the phone. Email their dad. Make 'em message their friends. Jack into the back of their neck and hack their brain a little bit. Really push the envelope.

@distressedegg @fluxom_alt I think that Hideo Kojima is longing to go beyond video games, and I also think he's willing to hire people to look up Playstation users and send mail to their parents

@distressedegg @fluxom_alt *Otacon voice* Snake! You have to send a self-addressed stamped envelope to
Hideo Kojima
1 Hideo Kojima's Actual House Road
Anytown, USA

@BestGirlGrace @distressedegg I can't believe the next Hideo Kojima game is actually just going to be a gps disguised as a disc that transmits your location to the isekai truck.

Suddenly, YOU are the protagonist in this wild adventure.

@fluxom_alt @distressedegg Hideo Kojima sits at home with a video game controller that sends mild electric shocks into your body to get you to do what he wants

he's gonna get that permadeath mechanic he wanted in Snake Eater one way or another

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@distressedegg @fluxom_alt "You think you can hide from me, Snake? I know all about you Googling for Dong Dunkers 6. You'd get better results if you used Bing~'"

@distressedegg @fluxom_alt I don't search for, like, Normie Porn, but I've found Bing much more useful for locating pornographies than Googa

@fluxom_alt I'm always thinking about the Harvey Birdman joke where the Jetsons say they're from the "mysterious, far-off future of 2002"

@BestGirlGrace Maaan it's 2020 next year. We should be living in space stations or something

@BestGirlGrace Oh wow, I remember reading those a million years ago.

@BestGirlGrace i can’t believe we’re already at the year marty mcfly went back to the future

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Don't let the name fool you. All the pornography here is legal, and much of it is hand-written. No fascists, no bigots.